There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
