I'm jealous of your bromance
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
