Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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