Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Damn victory sex feels great
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
