MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize