Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
