Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
