dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
