We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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