I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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