just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
