Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
