went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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