Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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