You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
