Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
