I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
