I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
