You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize