I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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