Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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