just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
