how can u be prego again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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