just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
