did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize