someone get that fucking seahorse.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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