she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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