I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
