They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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