Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
