her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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