Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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