Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize