he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Couch. On fire.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
