i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
