I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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