So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just tell him i said nine months
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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