Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize