The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
