The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
