What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
