I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
