like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
