just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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