apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
