if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
