I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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