That's intense
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
