we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
