I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
