Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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