Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Congratulations! We have a period
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize