fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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