he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
