he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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