I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
third nipple confirmed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
