Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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