She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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