I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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