She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
