then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize